Valentine Mar 6, 2018

the mind is a lake
and it's going to sound like maybe i gave up
like i am angry or lost
but these are only ripples
i'm doing my best to keep my eyes open
and to keep that sun alive in my chest
that beats hope into us all
if we look up

kitty white does not know love
she's stuck in school. she can't grow up
because she's a cartoon character, pale
an imitation that could never have enough detail
could never spend five hours at least twice a week with you
just sitting around, each doing your own thing
the pink walls and the white ceiling
you know, like in the books

love is like fighting; look up any bruce lee quote

it was checking out at the grocery line
my legs hurt and the sun wasn't setting when i got here
i've never seen him before, he must have just been hired
i like his hair. it's red and long and only on the top of his head
but in a way that doesn't look stupid. he likes my keys.
he's nice but i am somewhere far away---
i forget this moment for a while, a baby octopus
settling down amid the shells on the sea floor

there is some music i fall in love with each time i hear it
some songs i hated, but have grown to love
a memory of water creeping through pebbles at the edge of the driveway,
we wordless meandering observers
a statue of lucifer that was removed from a cathedral in the 1800s
for being too beautiful
my highschool crush who lives across from me but never wants to hang out
but who can blame him
like the souls of crickets, cats, and people
there are many sizes of love

i've never had a best friend, no not the way some people do
i'm too closed up. my best friends are all a hundred years in the future
reading this and its friends
who wants to go skinny dipping

i catch sight of him months later
and that cool tendril reaches up and touches my ear
and she whispers, "he's the one so long ago
you fell in love in a moment and didn't even think it could be real"
every time i saw him he was talking to a customer, smiling
i'm so bad at small talk. not enough practice
(but ask me questions and you'll never get me to shut up)
and so i gave him a paper crane with a note inside
(and i will point out, i have never given my phone number to anyone)
and it just said hey, i know this is weird
but you seem cool do you want to get coffee some time ###-####

unlike people, the sky never goes anywhere
hold on to that feeling, don't stop believing

i've fallen in love with someone who doesn't exist
(doesn't that sound familiar)
i don't even catch his eyes
while i watch him tend the plants
in the windows across the street
he wears something different every single day
today yellow, deep blue jeans, brown eyes
and it's all perfect, because when i look at him
all i see is his face (and his neck...)
the best i can do for him is be happy when he finds happiness
because my arms aren't as long as the width of a street

i catch myself touching my hair like he would
or holding my head like he does
i can't remember how i used to do these things
they say i'm a dreamer, but i'm not the only one
the words aren't mine but they come out of my mouth
and that means i own them
i am the algorithm of my fate

but i've never been in love
never felt that sharp bolt coming back at me
from cupid's crossbow, his armor glistening with blood and sperm
standing atop a mountain of severed heads
the curl of his lip, the fluidity with which he reaches
for the quiver

he told me he didn't unfold it
his dog ate it

in the grim future of hello kitty
there is only war

‌

Valentine

links to:
- George Washington sits behind the wheel of his brand new 1967 Skylark
- an essay for humans
- light and time, stone monuments in the far depth
- skinny dipping
- where are you?
- without fear of wind or vertigo

linked from: his eyes are colorless

all writing, chronological
next: without fear of wind or vertigo
previous: there is no beginning, no movement, no peace and no end